Want to adopt? Here’s where to start

It’s not easy to work out where to begin

Finding it a bit confusing where to get information on how adoption works and where to get started? You are not alone. And the good news is, you are in the right place if you are in the UK.

Let’s run you through what it is, how it works and where to find out more.

Spoiler warning: First step is to contact your Local Authority or Regional Adoption Agency (search here).

What is adoption?

Adoption is the process that results in an adult (or two) becoming the legal guardians of a child (or two).

How long does adoption take?

Likely 1-3 years. You’ll find it hard to get a straight answer on this question throughout the process. 1-3 years is what we have gathered from adopters we have met. In our case it took 2 years. You may hear ‘as little as 6 months’, but this excludes waiting for availability of bookings and social workers – both key areas of delays.

What are the stages to adopt?

There are a number of stages (described nicely here), which at a high level are:

1. Registration of interest – Information evenings
2. Stage 1 – Application and training course
3. Stage 2 – Social worker visits, report writing, panel decision
4. Matching and moving in – shortlisting, meeting and coming home
5. Post-placement support – Social worker support through the first months
6. Adoption order – a court makes the adoption legal → you are legal parents!

What stages do children go through?

At a high level, children often experience something like:

1. Removal into Police custody (often 2 days)
2. Placement into Foster family
3. Move to another Foster family (if initial goes on holiday etc.)
4. Meet prospective adopters
5. Move into a forever home ❤️
6. Legally adopted

Paths to adoption

There are two main routes people go down to become adopters: Adoption and FFA.

1. Adoption is the traditional route, where a child is in Foster care (months or years) until matched with prospective adopters and moves into their forever home. 12-18 months after moving into their forever home, they are legally adopted via the courts. Until 2024, this was by far the most common route. Children are generally 18 months old – 8 years old.
2. FFA, or Foster For Adoption, is an alternative path, where infants or babies are placed directly to prospective adopters, who foster them on behalf of the state, take them to weekly contact sessions with their birth parents, and 9-18 months later, adopt the child legally through the courts. Children are generally 0-12 months old. FFA has grown in popularity due to the early intervention, is often seen as better for the child and results in adoption of a younger child. It comes with a small (2-3%?) risk of the court deciding to move the child back in with the birth family.

Who to talk to

I’d suggest starting with your Local Authority or big brother Regional Adoption Agency (search here) – they in my opinion are your best information source and have the widest range of options available.

Or, talk to an Adoption Agency like PACT or Barnado’s – both of whom have good reputations.

There are 3 types of adoption agencies, as described here:

1. Local Authority
2. Regional Adoption Agency (groups of Local Authorities)
3. Voluntary Adoption Agencies (often charities).

Voluntary Adoption Agencies (e.g. PACT or Barnado’s) help Local Authorities with children who are hardest to place. It is a wonderful thing to take on such children, but most find starting with their Local Authorities first makes sense. Unless you are open to adopting siblings (considered hard to place), or want to search the national database of children on Link Maker – when PACT and Barnado’s both make sense.

Local Authorities seemed the best option for us at the time, as we had the option of adopting a baby (via FFA Foster For Adoption), and felt like we’d get first look at kids in our region who received placement order and came up for adoption. This was true, and it worked for us. But it wasn’t without its own problems – Social Services are underfunded, paranoid of making a mistake and the process keeps changing – making it at times slower and more frustrating than the experience of those we’ve met who went through PACT or Barnado’s for example.

Explore both options I’d suggest, and go with your heart. You can always move between Local Authority and Voluntary Adoption Agency later once approved, if you find they haven’t been proactive enough on your part.

Things to be aware of

They will try to scare you. Don’t be put off by the scare tactics used in the first information session, government websites, stage 1 application forms, or training materials. Social Services are underfunded and fearful of being singled out for not sharing a perceived risk – so they will throw everything at you, just to be sure. You’ll walk away certain that all children in care have ALL the known challenges, and that your life as an adopter will be a living hell.

Every child is different. As with any situation, your mileage may vary. Your adopted child will come with a unique background and will have a unique personality. Odds are, it will be harder than parenting a biological child (sad, but true). But given the choice of no children or taking on one with a speckled past to save them (and society) from a life of being in care, thankfully thousands take the leap.

It’s a sales process. This is a sales process, make no mistake. Step into the Local Authority’s shoes for a moment – they have a lot of children who need forever homes, but are fearful of making a mistake and placing one into an unsuitable environment. So don’t share everything, especially things that while common, don’t look good on paper. Your job is to ensure they see you as a suitable environment in stage 1. Their job is in stage 2 to craft a sales pitch for why you should be approved, and once approved, their job is to sell you the benefits of a particular little one.

It costs to adopt, just like it costs to become a biological parent, only perhaps a bit more. One of you will need to take 6-12 months off work on moving in, and you’ll need to prepare to show that you can afford this.

Stay put. Don’t make the mistake we did of thinking you need to buy a bigger house to stand a chance in adopting – you don’t. I suggest staying where you are, starting the process and only if you decide you must move during the process do so – and only tell the Social Worker when you have completed (else you will introduce delays, as we did, while waiting to complete). Better yet, move house after you adopt and get to know your child and what you need.

Conclusion

Adoption is in my opinion one of the biggest gifts you can give another person – a forever home and a safe and secure upbringing, and certainly the biggest you can give society. You are a hero for even considering it. Thank you, from all of us.

And if you decide to proceed with it, you are not alone. Seek out adopters near you, join groups and ask for help. We are one big family in the end. 🙂