Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
| Likes | Dislikes |
| Honest and insightful | Hard-hitting at times |
| Moves at a good pace | No sugar-coating |
| A mix of light and dark moments | Focuses on sibling-related challenges |
| Step by step through the whole process | Will leave you wanting more |
| A healthy dose of humour makes for easy reading |
The book all adopters need to read
It was really through reading this book of Sally Donovan’s that I understood the whole process of addition in the UK, end to end. Understood it, saw it for what it is, and accepted it. This book took me in, comforted me that I wasn’t alone in going through the highs and lows of the application process. It showed that it is all worth it in the end, explained what matching and moving in looks like and helps answer the big question – what will it be like learning to parent in an instant family?
If you read one book, let it be this one.
Likes
So firstly, here are the things I enjoyed about it.
- Her voice. It is a rare talent to write clearly, passionately and personally, without losing the audience along the way. Sally Donovan is a master and I would happily read anything she writes in her honest style.
- A step by step guide. Here you will get a clear idea of every step in the adoption process. Clearly laid out and easy to follow.
- Warts and all. Sally doesn’t pull any punches and this is important. We need to and want to know what parenting looked after children might be like, and she gives us the highs and the lows.
- A little bit of humour. It’s important to see the lighter side of such a drawn out and bittersweet process and I really enjoyed the social commentary and all the ‘i shouldn’t laugh but…’ moments in this book when she cleverly defines a stereotype we all know.
- It is fair. She doesn’t judge people, both those who help and hinder her and judge her and her family along the way. She explains what might be motivating each person they encounter and she is extremely insightful.
“The adoption process is a rollercoaster ride. There are moments of pure joy, followed by crushing disappointment. It’s a constant balancing act of hope and despair.”
Dislikes
- It could have been longer. I was sad when it ended and felt like the latter years could have been drawn out. It feels a bit clipped at the end.
- Perhaps she is a bit too fair on some of the actors. Some got off a bit lightly.
- Though a lot of how to deal with this situation advice is included, I would have liked even more to help me on my own learning journey.
Learnings
- Parenting is hard, and adoption is harder
- Biological parents have trouble understanding how different effective adoptive parenting is from their own methods
- Family are the rock, even if they first don’t understand
- Though it is a hard process, it is absolutely worth it to adopt (in my humble view)
- The process takes a lot longer than we expect, starting out
- Children can surprise us with how delayed they are emotionally at first, then later, how much the weight lifts when healing has occurred and the burden of shame is lifted
Quotes
- ‘The adoption process is a rollercoaster ride. There are moments of pure joy, followed by crushing disappointment. It’s a constant balancing act of hope and despair.’
- ‘No matter what life throws your way, you have the strength to overcome it. Resilience is a gift, and it’s one that I’m incredibly grateful for.’
Recommendation
I am so grateful to have been recommended this book and I hope you both read and enjoy it. Reading it, I felt like I had discovered my tribe, parents to be like me and this bought great comfort.
And most importantly, I remember looking up from the page at one point and thinking ‘OK, so this is what it is like and I’m going to do it, I’m going to be a dad’, and smiling. 😁
It left me wanting more, so I went on to read her next – The unofficial guide to adoptive parenting.
